This is my promise to you.
To the soft curves that keep me safe,
to the tender skin that sometimes annoys me with its pimples (I thought we left puberty?!)
to the flowing hair that can’t quite decide if it wants to be curly, wavey, or something in between,
to the wobbly rolls that dance to the beat of my steps,
to the scars that tell the stories of my life, my pain, my joys,
to the body hair that grows way too fast and thick,
to you, my body, my companion, my love.
You have walked with me every step of my life. You carried my burdens. You endured my injuries. You took care of me.
You have always been there when no one else was.
You are my unsung hero, forgotten in the shadows of daily life.
You were the armour that protected my sensitive heart even though I abused you in so many ways.
I poured the poison of my words deep into your veins:
Why can’t you be thin?!
Why aren’t you healthier?
Why are you so ugly?!
You disgust me!
No one will love you! Ever.
But this wasn’t enough.
I tortured you with hundreds of diets that – I believed – would make you finally beautiful. That would make you thinner, and sexier! That would attract finally someone who’d love me.
Yes, it was your fault that we are unloveable. Because no one would ever desire someone like you.
I tortured you with workouts that would only exhaust you, injure and hurt you. But I was obsessed with becoming fit. With becoming healthy. No matter the cost.
Because if you’re not thin, you will never find love.
But nothing helped. You wouldn’t improve! You wouldn’t look like all the other sexy bodies that were burned like a blueprint of unreachable desire into my mind.
I hated you. It was your fault that I wouldn’t find love.
And still, you have stood by my side when no one else was there. You endured all the abuse. All the hate.
You were always there. You are always there.
You tenderly embrace me when I cry. You carry me through every obstacle with grace. You jiggle when I laugh. You make me dance when joy fills my heart.
You are always there. No matter what.
You are the loyal companion I’ve been longing for all my life and now, I realise: it’s been you. It has always been you.
Because you are always there. Because you love me.
So, this is my promise now to you, my dear body:
From now on,
I will love you unconditionally.
I will adore you passionately.
I will protect you fiercely.
I will be there for you.
From now on,
let’s dance together to our own rhythm.
let’s move out of joy and love.
Let’s indulge in life.
This is my promise to you, my body, my companion, my love.
The sensitive soul that lives inside of your wonderland.
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